#18 Career Burnout Is Real—Here’s How to Bounce Back with Dr. Jesseca Tighe

Are you staring at your calendar wondering how you'll face another workday? That crushing exhaustion isn't just tiredness—it's burnout, and it's reached epidemic levels among high-achievers and caregivers.

In this eye-opening conversation with psychologist Dr. Jessica Tai, we dive into the science behind workplace burnout, revealing why it's now an official diagnosis with three distinct types that affect us differently. From the frenetic burnout that drives us to check emails during family dinner to the worn-out burnout that makes everything feel urgent, we unpack the hidden symptoms our culture has normalized as "just being busy."

What makes this episode particularly powerful is Dr. Tai's surprising revelation that 99% of her burnout clients stay in their jobs after implementing her recovery strategies. The problem isn't necessarily your career—it's your relationship with work and the boundaries you've never learned to set.

You'll discover practical, immediately applicable techniques to break free from the burnout cycle without sacrificing your success. Learn how a simple dopamine detox can reset your anxious mind, why processing your workplace stress is essential for mental clarity, and how small boundary shifts can reclaim hours of your life each week.

For anyone who's feeling depleted, resentful, or trapped in their career, this conversation offers hope and tangible solutions. Your work doesn't have to consume your identity or drain your soul. Listen now to discover how making your work work for you might be simpler than you think.

If you're tired of leaving family gatherings anxious, guilty, or wondering, "Why did I do that again?" this course is for you. The Dysfunctional Family Playbook gives you the practical tools to understand your triggers, stop falling into old family roles, recognize manipulation, and protect your peace—before, during, and after difficult family interactions.

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Transcript

Welcome to Not Your Therapist

Speaker 1 0:00

Hey friends , welcome back to Not your Therapist . If you are new here , welcome . I'm so glad you're here . If you're returning , what's up ? I've got a good one for you . This is the podcast where we manage life's mess , magic and everything in between . I'm your host , kayla . I'm a licensed therapist . I'm a leader in the mental health space . I have a large practice here in Wilmington , north Carolina , and I'm your go-to guide for non-baloney meat mental health skills . I'm here for those cycle breakers . You were raised in a messy home and you are ready to do things different , and anyone else too , that's just trying to keep it together . Today's episode is for you . If you've ever stared at your calendar and thought I cannot go to work again tomorrow . What am I doing ?

Speaker 2 0:45

in my career .

Speaker 1 0:46

I sat down with Jessica Tai . She has a PhD in psychology , she's a coach for healthcare professionals and she's the brilliant mind behind Soulutions Soul Soulutions for health . She's got over 20 years of experience in healthcare and Jessica really likes to help people in high stress careers find success without sacrificing their health , sanity or their soul . Basically and if you're in corporate America , you know that a lot of times it's soul sucking All right . In this episode , we're going to talk about what burnout really is . It's not just being tired . We're going to talk about what's going on in your body when you hit that wall and , most importantly , three simple , doable strategies to start pulling yourself out of the burnout spiral in your workspace . If you've been feeling crispy , you're depleted and you're running on fumes , this one's for you .

Speaker 2 1:43

Let's jump in depleted and you're running on fumes . This one's for you . Let's jump in . Burnout . You know , in a nutshell , people don't you know , really know we talk about burnout in terms of you know the symptoms , like I'm exhausted all the time or I hate my job . I've had it . Maybe I'm in the wrong career . You know , people are having these thoughts , but what burnout actually is is there's three different types , and what's important for people to know is that it actually is an ICD-11 diagnosis . So the WHO , in 2019 , labeled burnout as a workplace phenomenon and as an actual diagnosis . And there's three different kinds .

Speaker 2 2:19

So there's frenetic burnout , which is what ? Basically just channeling too much energy into your work and then regular rewards are not enough to compensate you for that . So that's you know the people who are , you know , staying late , coming in early . I'll just check that email over breakfast . I'll just work for a couple hours on Sunday , so that Monday's not so crazy , and then , before you know it , you're just way off course and channeling too much energy into your work , and then , when it's time for your annual increase , you're like meh , whatever . So that's frenetic burnout .

Speaker 2 2:56

Then there's worn out burnout , which is mostly the external pressures . So , working in healthcare , I felt this a lot . It's those external pressures of you've got to work harder , faster , longer . It's from your industry , your company , your boss , and it's not something that you want to do anymore . Then there's under-challenged burnout and that's kind of like Milton from Office Space , that character like , where you're just kind of ho-hum , you're not being challenged into your work . I want my stapler . So those are the three kinds of burnout , and the people that I work with are usually a mix of frenetic burnout and worn out burnout . There's those internal pressures of wanting to do a good job

What Burnout Really Is: Three Types

Speaker 2 3:38

and just channeling too much energy into their job and then also , coupled with industry pressures , societal pressures , cultural pressures . So those are the people that I usually work with . Are those folks ?

Speaker 1 3:50

Well , and it's interesting because when you were talking about the worn out burnout type , I was thinking , gosh , even the pressures just of being a woman , like hey , you're supposed to manage all the things all the time your kids still need you , like you can't come home and just phone it in .

Speaker 2 4:05

Right , Right , I mean , there's that saying you know you've got to have a job as if you're not a mom and be a mom as if you don't have a job .

Speaker 1 4:13

Oh , I love that . I've never heard that one .

Speaker 2 4:16

Yeah , yeah , and it's totally true . There is this societal pressure on women , and I do work with a lot more women than men . So and that is a topic that comes up for sure is , how do I balance and how do I have some time for myself at the end of the day ? And what is rest really look like ? And how do I really recharge ? Cause it's not watching Netflix , you know , playing on your phone , like that's not actually rest , but I do it too , like I'm a human , like you know , I do it too . But there are other things that you can do to actually rest and recharge , and that's what I teach people .

Speaker 1 4:50

Totally Especially a lack of input . I say that to my clients all the time . It's like you can disassociate from your life by doing the scroll and watching Grey's Anatomy and snacking mindlessly Right , but that's not going to fill your cup the way you know . Stopping input and kind of letting your brain decompress Absolutely .

Speaker 1 5:18

Well , a lot of women wonder why they like lay down at night and they're like I can't sleep . My mind's going a million miles a minute . It's like , well , have you had a minute all day to let your brain unravel ? Like absolutely Marinate in the sauces that you've been throwing in there all day ? Yeah , yeah .

Speaker 2 5:33

That's actually one of the first things that I do with a new client is a dopamine detox .

Speaker 1 5:40

Ooh interesting . Tell me more about that .

Speaker 2 5:42

Well , it's kind of what you were saying . It's letting the input stop . There's a kind of a regimen and then you develop a practice around it , but it's not having any input in terms of no TV , no cell phone , at least not scrolling , and things like that . Of course you have to have your phone on you for emergencies , not saying don't do that , not internet shopping , just letting your brain be bored . I don't think we do that enough .

Speaker 1 6:12

So many people are uncomfortable with that .

Speaker 2 6:14

Yeah , just sit with your own thoughts , that's such an uncomfortable place .

Speaker 1 6:18

Oh yeah , Some people are not okay with that .

Speaker 2 6:21

Yeah Well , it's uncomfortable . It's like anything else . If you , it's like any practice . If you don't do it or you're not used to it , then of course it's uncomfortable when you first start . But you know , I have a practice where , you know , daily I try to decompress and just unplug from everything for an hour to two a day , and you know , then I can watch Netflix and play Wordle at the same time , and and because I have this practice .

Speaker 2 6:46

I'm actually you know whatever you want , yeah , yeah , whatever it is you know like . But you , once you have these practices and you're actually letting your brain rest and recharge , once you're you have a , you know , a journaling practice or some other kind of processing practice where you're processing what's going on with you and you're actually taking things out of your suitcase and working with it . If you have just those two things , your life can be a million times better in a very short amount of time .

Speaker 1 7:14

I resonate with that and I think another thing I recognize when I do maintain those practices of processing and self-reflection and time where there's no input and letting my brain kind of like stretch . And I love that metaphor unpacking your suitcase that's really good . I think there's such a lightness that I feel and a presence , versus

The Dopamine Detox: Finding True Rest

Speaker 1 7:40

the days where I , you know , yeah , I'm playing with my kids but I'm thinking about work strategies or I'm thinking about this thing that I forgot to do and going and checking my phone real quick when the kids aren't looking . You know there's such a different quality .

Speaker 1 7:55

Yeah , yeah , they know .

Speaker 2 7:57

Oh , they totally know . I mean , yeah , my son's eight and I remember when he was like six years old and I'm listening to podcasts with one earbud in because I have a child and I'd like cover it with my hair . And he's like mommy , are you listening to the story in your ear ? And I'm like gosh . I don't know if I can curse on this one , but , mom guilt , please curse Totally .

Speaker 1 8:19

Yeah , I'm like you got me , so you know I had my one year old daughter find my phone on the floor in her toys and she picked it up and came and brought it to me .

Speaker 2 8:33

And I was like that's a sign that we need to get the phone out of our this thing's important yeah she knows Geez Shame shame shame .

Speaker 1 8:40

Yeah , okay , so talk to me . We're getting back to this idea of burnout in the workspace . Yes , now can we talk a little bit about people who wrap up their value in their career , because I feel like a lot of people . When you ask , like well , what do you do ? It's like well , the automatic answer is I'm a therapist or I'm a coach or I'm , you know , a network manager for a high powered tech company , whatever it is Like people really identify with what they do for a living .

Speaker 2 9:16

Yeah , yeah , we do , and especially in our American culture , I think that Western culture in general , we so identify . You know who we are with what we do , and a lot of my work is decoupling that . Not in a way where it's of course it's good to have a conversation and you know , when you're first getting to know people , yeah , like what do you do all day long ? Like that's totally fine . That's not what I'm talking about , but it's about .

Speaker 2 9:43

But who are you when you're not at your job ? Or what if you lose your job tomorrow ? Like then , if you really don't know who you are and you're not settled within yourself , then that's a problem and it can lead to other issues psychologically . So we just want to make sure that you decouple your value and your self-worth from what you do for a living , because it might not be there tomorrow or it might not be as fulfilling as it once was , especially if you're channeling too much energy in and not getting anything back . That creates all sorts of other issues . And I like the term of the suitcase , because you're dealing with that all day long and you're just packing it away , because it's not appropriate to like yell at your boss or tell them how you know you're undervalued and resentful . Right , that's not . That's not safe at work . So you pack it away in your suitcase , but then the problem is that we don't unpack it and we just or it spills over into your wife , oh yeah , right , exactly .

Speaker 1 10:53

Or your husband .

Speaker 2 10:54

Yeah , exactly , or the you know the people around you and you know , before you know it , like your friends don't want to hear about your crappy job anymore , like it's come on , like at least okay , you've got this problem , but do something about it .

Speaker 1 11:07

Yes , oh my gosh , wow , yeah , or whole relationships are built on commiserating about workplaces .

Speaker 2 11:14

Oh sure , and that's no fun , right Sure A lot of our work , friends . It's like oh , oh , you hate it here too .

Speaker 1 11:20

Oh , let's go have a beer , yeah , yeah , and that's like a very false way of connecting with someone . It's a , you know , pseudo sense of intimacy and closeness . When we're talking shit about something , whether it's a person or a job or whatever , it feels like intimacy , but it's really , you know , not . It's not fulfilling anyways , and it's not solving your problem . Sure , isn't . It's probably making you more angry , it totally ?

Speaker 2 11:45

is . And then you're taking on someone else's resentment , someone else's problems and someone else's gossip and that's just creating more of an issue .

Speaker 1 12:01

What do you say ? The biggest contributing factors are to people in like high demand jobs .

Speaker 2 12:46

That's a good question . I you know what I'll talk about healthcare , because it's mostly who I work with , people who are healthcare providers . I call them like caregivers with like a capital C , like they are internally . Their makeup , their constitution is to automatically be rewarded when they give more than they receive , when they care about others , when they do things for other people , and so it's so easy for healthcare providers for you know other people moms , other people in other types of caregiving behaviors , teachers , all of those people because they intrinsically get rewarded for helping others they can so easily cross that line into burnout and not have anything for themselves . So I think , if that's your constitution , if that's your

Career Identity vs. Self-Worth

Speaker 2 13:41

makeup , that can be a factor and it also based on the culture or the type of work that you're doing .

Speaker 2 13:49

The industry , those the industry puts pressure on you to give more than you receive . Our culture puts pressure on us to give more than we receive and be constantly be more productive . And you know the whole . You know biohacking culture and let's optimize everything and it's like , well , you're really optimizing for the wrong things .

Speaker 1 14:13

Totally , and that's a whole other podcast . But yeah , like optimizing for the job , I think that's something that people forget too is , you know , a lot of times if we have an unhealthy workspace , the workspace is promoting what benefits the job , the money , the dollars . It's not optimized for helping and serving you unless you have an amazing place of work like Evolution Wellness in Wilmington , north Carolina . Selfish plug in there , shameless plug . I love it . Shameless Flexi flex . But I will say it's funny when people reframe that it's like oh , oh , yeah , that's right , like they're in it for them . They're not thinking about you .

Speaker 2 15:02

No , no , they're out for their own business , they're out for their own promotion , and I think that you know we're . It's a really difficult line because there is so much corporate language around oh , we want to mentor you and we want to support you , and we have a wellness program , and what employees find is that that's not exactly true , like your supervisor is no longer your mentor in the way that that used to mean something , and so it's very easy , I think , for people to just get lost and then they , before you know it , you're burned out . You have no idea how you're going to get the kids to soccer , you don't let your brain really rest and recharge , so you're not thinking clearly and going back to optimizing . Like if you actually slow down , really rest and recharge , deal with some of these issues that are coming up for you , then that does optimize you for your job because you can actually think clearly and see a situation for what it is and accurately and effectively solve those problems and come up with solutions that actually work .

Speaker 1 16:08

Yes , yes , and I think a lot of big companies are starting to recognize that I really do . I do too .

Speaker 2 16:16

Actually there's a lot of hope . It's getting there . It's getting there , yes .

Speaker 1 16:19

Yes . Well , and I will say this I think the answer and we can get into that the answer doesn't lie in being like angry and bitter and resentful and being like fuck the man and I'm not going to , you know it's . That's not the answer . The answer is finding that , that balance , and being able to be self-serving and self-caring , because I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to succeed in your career . I don't think there's anything wrong with feeling valuable to other people . I think where we go wrong is when we give more than what we have .

Speaker 2 16:59

Absolutely yeah , yeah . And resentment is a toxin to your system all the way around . It doesn't help you . It doesn't help you solve your problem . So it's about getting past that and stop doing those behaviors that aren't helping you and start doing behaviors that do .

Speaker 1 17:17

So let's drop it down into real life . What are some easy things people can start to do if they're listening to our episode and they're thinking , holy shit , this is me , I need to change . What are some like practical baby steps , because I'm all about small changes make big results , right .

Speaker 2 17:36

Yeah , me too . That's my philosophy too . It doesn't have to be this big , huge thing . So , you know , I talked about , like the dopamine detox and there's great um YouTube videos on how to do that . There's great handouts . You can you can find some of that stuff on there . Um , you know , definitely let your brain rest and recharge and just be bored .

Speaker 2 17:56

Um , the other thing that I like to have people do because when you're burnt out , you're anxious a lot of these people , one of their main symptoms that they hate is having those ruminating thoughts , those automatic negative thoughts , ants , and you know what do we do with ants ?

Speaker 2 18:13

We got to squish them

Practical Solutions for Burnout Recovery

Speaker 2 18:14

.

Speaker 2 18:14

So one of the things that I like to do with people is have some kind of a journaling or processing practice where you can actually unpack some of those things , whether that's working with a coach or doing something on your own or going to a support group , there's all sorts of resources out there now that you can do just something so that you can get off that thought carousel and get it down on paper , and looking at it in black and white really does help with processing some of that and unpacking that suitcase .

Speaker 2 18:49

So that's something that's really helpful for people , I think you know . One of the other things is , you know , just doing things that are positive , you know , and getting back into the practice of experimenting and being curious and giving yourself permission to do positive things and helpful things , versus just getting stuck in complaining and being resentful and just being tired all the time . Bringing some joy and giving yourself permission to experiment with things that are joyful I think is so important for people and that's what I try to do with my clients . Those are like the first three things I always do .

Speaker 1 19:31

And you're talking about in their lives or in their work or both , when you talk about finding joy , good question .

Speaker 2 19:37

You know I I mostly in their lives first , and then we kind of find joy . You know , one of the um , yeah , I work with a lot of healthcare folks and when I started this business , um , I was not expecting people to stay in their jobs . I thought I was going to do a lot of career coaching . And you know , people are calling me , going like I'm a nurse and I'm ready to start a food truck .

Speaker 1 19:59

I've had it like they are like I mean , people call me and they're like I need a new job , I legitimately said the other day I was like I am about this close from burning down my counseling center and opening a donut shop .

Speaker 2 20:14

Right , right , like I will literally do anything else . We can all relate to that moment . Um , all every single person that I've worked with , except for one person , has stayed in their job , and I was not expecting that result Wow , so I wasn't . But when you change your relationship to work and make work work for you and put up those boundaries that work for you and actually start these practices to work through , some of this stuff that's happening . People were are happy and stayed . I just checked in with somebody , an old client , um , just today , cause I was like oh hey , I heard about this job , do you want me to forward your resume ? And she's like , actually , I'm really happy , I'm going to stay where I am , like I really like my boss , I'm like great , like that's what it's all about .

Speaker 1 21:08

That's so cool , yeah yeah . So people are finding that the job isn't necessarily the problem , it's our relationship to the job , it's our struggle to set boundaries , it's our checking our emails when we're sitting there at family dinner . Right , right , checking our emails when we're sitting there with at family dinner , like .

Speaker 2 21:24

Right , right , it's all of those things that you know we have , that . You know we call it behavioral drift in psychology , right ? You just you drift over into these unhealthy behaviors and you have no idea how to get back . And all you need is , you know , someone to kind of work with you on pointing out where those things are and bringing you back . And once you're back , people are more able , I think , to make an accurate decision when they're able to think clearly , when they're able to really rest , when they're able to recharge , and then they're like , oh you know what , it's not so bad actually .

Speaker 1 22:02

Right . Well , and it's if you were programmed one way , and especially a lot of millennials . We were programmed by boomers who were the you know , pick yourself up by your bootstraps , work hard and good things will happen kind of mentality . So you were programmed in that way . So recognizing that if you just live your life on default , you're default going to be in burnout because that's how you were raised , right . So so intentionally shifting to reprogram yourself . It's going to be hard initially , but eventually , if you reprogram yourself , your new default will become easier . It's more . It feels more downhill .

Speaker 2 22:46

Right , right , absolutely . I mean , I was working with a client , been working with her for a few months . She's like a middle manager in a very large healthcare company you know , has a bunch of directors underneath her and she is such a success story . She was absolutely petrified to not work on Sunday . She was absolutely petrified to not work for two or two to three hours at night and not check her email in the morning over coffee . I mean , like these are the first skills that I was like you want more time back in your day . This is where it is .

Speaker 2 23:18

She was absolutely petrified and you know we just started chipping away at it . I was like and you know long , we just started chipping away at it . I was like just all right on on Monday , don't work , you already worked on Sunday . Don't work after , after work on Monday like , just have Mondays right and we started just chipping away at it . And now it's not like she's working like only 40 hours a week , because that's not health care and that's not realistic . Yeah , true , but she's not working 60 . Which ?

Speaker 1 23:51

is a win .

Speaker 2 23:52

And she's not working on Sundays and she takes one three day weekend a month and she's not working at night very much , unless something happens , which you know . That's health care . Yeah , there's always an emergency , there's always a dumpster fire somewhere , but it's not every but it's not like you're acting every day Like there's a dumpster fire and that's the problem , and so well , and when you're off , time can really be off time .

Speaker 1 24:19

Oh yeah , right , like if I can be present in my head with my children or with my family over dinner or while I'm washing the dishes , and I'm not over here in work land , because that's a thing . You might not be working physically , but if you're working mentally , it's the same cycle .

Speaker 2 24:42

Same thing , yeah yeah . Cycle , same thing , yeah , yeah . Well , and and especially , you know , when you are a supervisor or when you're an entrepreneur , I mean you're , you're kind of always in work mode . You're always thinking or it's like , oh gosh , I got to remember to do that , or I got the . I love that ad I think it was a Superbowl ad where , like they're this lady's , like the little kids , are just finding these sticky notes everywhere and it's like invoices , do this call this person ? And that is my brain as an entrepreneur now , oh yeah , just like it's just .

Speaker 2 25:12

I see sticky notes of reminders everywhere and I have to like write everything down . I love that .

Speaker 1 25:19

I like the meme that's like is your brain like a browser with 367 tabs open at the same ?

Speaker 2 25:25

time . Oh yeah , yes , it is yes , it is yes . Yes , my brain reflects my phone .

Speaker 1 25:30

Yes , Are you an oldest daughter ? Like are you an oldest child ?

Speaker 2 25:33

I'm an only child actually

Success Story: Reclaiming Your Time

Speaker 2 25:35

, ah , interesting , yes , okay yeah .

Speaker 1 25:39

Yeah , I find it's true with a lot of , like , oldest children . They're kind of that type A , like you know people pleasing , yes , overachieving , kind of people , which is not a bad thing .

Speaker 1 26:00

I think it's . You know , I really don't think it's . And I don't think it's a bad thing to be a company man . I have air quotes because you might be a company woman . But I believe in the relationship between an organization and an employee because I think it brings a lot of benefits . But , like Jessica's been saying , I think it's how you engage in your work , it's how you set those boundaries , it's even finding joy in your work . Again , I know a lot of people who are like why am I doing this ? And it's like , well , you did have a why once upon a time , like , let's find that .

Speaker 1 26:32

Absolutely let's re-engage with that part of you that actually liked being a nurse or enjoyed being in the network management world .

Speaker 2 26:43

Yeah , yeah , Well , and let's create . You know , I work with a lot of directors and supervisors and you know they want to mentor people , they want to create a cohesive team , and so I teach them how to do that in a really effective way in this new work environment . And actually , you know , teach their employees these skills so that they can also protect themselves from burnout .

Speaker 1 27:05

So which is ?

Speaker 2 27:06

amazing to see .

Speaker 1 27:08

Yeah , really I love that success story . I love the idea of not working on the weekends and being off when you're truly off . I think that's so hard for some of us . Do you believe in ? I'll ask you this do you believe that a lot of us make emergencies in our head when really things aren't that emergent ?

Speaker 2 27:30

Absolutely , and that is a symptom of burnout .

Speaker 1 27:34

Oh , I didn't know that .

Speaker 2 27:35

It is . So there's a lot of cognitive symptoms of burnout , and when everything seems urgent , when you have the inability to relax , even when you can , like , those are all things that are symptoms of burnout that people don't really recognize , because that's kind of our culture .

Speaker 1 27:55

It really is .

Speaker 2 27:56

Yeah , Our culture hides a lot of these symptoms and so when it's hard to recognize , like , oh , am I actually burnt out or is am I just an American ? Like am I just like , do I just have a job and kids ? And like life's busy and I have no idea what's for dinner you know , the regular life kind of hides that sometimes , but yes , that is a total symptom .

Speaker 1 28:21

Yeah , wow . What are some other symptoms that are kind of like surprising ?

Speaker 2 28:25

Oh yeah , I have like a whole worksheet . Oh , cool , feels urgent . We talked about being resentful , not having energy to do things that you once enjoyed . There's an inability to stop those ruminating thoughts sleep disturbances , eating disturbances , self-medication , either with food or drugs or alcohol , or you know just unhealthy behaviors . Shopping , shopping , scrolling yeah , the doom scrolling , oh yeah .

Speaker 1 29:17

Yeah .

Speaker 2 29:18

Yeah , those can all be symptoms , but you know , one of the big ones is everything seems urgent and everything seems important and the inability to prioritize . One of the other things is one of the symptoms I look for is if someone can not see the future , like future in time , like the shorter in time they can really see , like if it's like all right , they can't really see past two weeks and they don't have long-term goals or they're like I don't know , there's like a one day when I retire , but they don't have anything in between and any goals .

Hidden Symptoms of Burnout

Speaker 2 29:56

That's a symptom of burnout too , cause they're just like I just have to deal with what's in front of me .

Speaker 1 30:02

That's a wrap , y'all . I'm about to go do a little dopamine detox because Lord knows I need it . If you want to learn more about that , google it . It's so interesting . If this conversation hit you right in your crispy , overworked soul , go find Jessica on Instagram and also come follow me . Come say hey , I love hearing what landed for you , what came up for you when you listened to this episode . Slide into my DMs and let me know what burnout symptom hit you a little too close to home . And hey , if you've taken two minutes out of your life to subscribe or follow Not your Therapist , and maybe you even have left me a five-star review wherever you're listening . Thank you so much , you freaking rock . That support means everything . I'm gonna catch you on the next episode . Right Bye .